(Washington, D.C/Tirana, May 8, 2016) New details have
emerged surrounding plans for a large population exchange between the United
States and Albania in case Donald Trump takes the White House. According to
information leaked from both sides the 2 million or so US citizens who are
planning to relocate to Albania would under no circumstance accept to be
governed by Albanian politicians. “We are leaving our homes because we don’t
see ourselves led by an irresponsible person,” said one of the potential
exchangees, who didn’t want to be identified. “This issue is very sensitive for
us and we wouldn’t settle for less.” On the other hand, a number of Albanians polled
said that they would be happy with any form of government and any kind of
politician, as long as they weren’t Albanian.
Following these sentiments, the two countries have planned
some political swaps, too. Here are some of the most striking changes planned to
take place:
Hillary Clinton is going to replace the current Prime
Minister of Albania, Edi Rama. Mr. Rama, on his turn, will take Hilary’s position
as President Clinton’s wife.
George Clooney has agreed to take a political role as
Speaker of the Albanian Parliament, while Mr. Ilir Meta, the current Speaker
will be given an undisclosed position with the US based company Monsanto.
Senator Bernie Sanders will take over as Mayor of Tirana,
while Erion Velia is planning to finish his high school education somewhere in
Minnesota.
John Kerry is growing a moustache and is expected to become
the new President of Albania, replacing Mr. Bujar Nishani who is taking a new role
as Superintended of the Trump Tower in Chicago.
Asked about the possibility of a move to the United States,
former Albanian President and Prime Minister, Mr. Sali Berisha clearly
indicated that he has no intention of moving from his territory and that he
will be always there, ready to fight and take power from any kind of government
that doesn’t involve him as a Number One. Mr. Berisha, 71 plans to retire from
politics in 2045.
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