Imams for Hollywood

A new initiative to protect feelings of Muslims and avoid rage. The US Government and the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences have started joined negotiations with the governments of Libya, Egypt, Yemen, Iran, Pakistan, Somalia and Saudi Arabia over the appointment of several imams as overseers of the American Film Industry. Following the protest of Muslim people against the US Government’s lack of control over the production of movies that are insulting to Islam, the group of 7 Islamic countries (GI7) have demanded urgent measures to control the film industry in the United States. Representatives from the 7 Islamic countries, the US and the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences met in Dubai to discuss terms and conditions for assigning a number of Imams who would “oversee the film industry”. The meeting is called the “GI7-US-AMPAS Summit”. A few film-makers in Hollywood have mildly expressed concerns about the infringement of artistic right, hinting that this might be a form of censorship that might somehow limit their artistic expression. However, the GI7 representatives insisted that such a measure is indispensable under the new circumstances and that everyone has to make some kind of sacrifices for the sake of peace and cooperation. A Department of State Representative declared that such a step is necessary to guarantee the lives of the diplomatic personnel abroad. White House Press Secretary Jay Carney made extra efforts to explain that this is by no means censorship. The Imams will allow a complete freedom of expression for the movie industry, except for the content that is insulting to Islam or that goes against what they would consider to be the fundamental values of their religion and the Quran. A joined governmental program between Saudi Arabia and Iran have undertaken to cover all the expenses the new program which is temporarily called “I 4 H” (Imams for Hollywood). This means that the living expenses and the salaries of all the appointed religious personnel, as well as the cost of operation for the new program will be covered completely by these two countries, at no cost to the American taxpayers. The GI7 Summit, with the participation of representatives from the US Government and the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences are now discussing details of how the process of control will be implemented. According to reports, yesterday it was agreed that each of the member countries of the GI7 would appoint one imam, with the exception of Iran, which will be represented by an Ayatollah. Temporarily, the 7 high clerics will be accredited with the Hollywood Foreign Press Association.

Sam Bacile Enters North Korean Embassy

Film-maker Sam Bacile, also known as Alan Roberts has reportedly entered the North Korean embassy in Mexico City, Mexico. Mr. Bacile, producer and director of Innocence of Muslims, whose Youtube debut caused upheaval in some Muslim countries fears that his life is in danger and risks severe punishment in the United States. The office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights has not been available for comments after reports that the United States, in retaliation for the damage caused to their foreign policy by the release of the movie on Youtube, as well as the loss of human life, will seek prosecution for Mr. Bacile and immediate public punishment. To ease tensions with protesting Muslims, Washington has pledged to severely punish the author of the insulting movie, a punishment that, according to a legal representative of Mr. Bacile can go as far as death penalty. In response to the Federal Government's request, several states have offered to re-install more traditional forms of punishment, including hanging, shooting, and quite possibly, stoning - forms that would suit with the cultural standards of the angry Muslims. Some groups in Mississippi and Louisiana have offered to lynch Mr. Bacile the old Southern style, but there is no evidence that these offers have been accepted by the White House. Article 14 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights states: "Everyone has the right to seek and to enjoy in other countries asylum from persecution." However, it is not clear whether the Mexican government will allow Mr. Basile to be safely escorted to North Korea, or it will bow to the US pressure to hand him over to the FBI. A legal representative for Mr. Basile stated under conditions of anonymity that his client has chosen North Korea as the only place on Earth where he feels it is safe to express artistic ideas without fear of retaliation. Mr. Basile claims that United States has found it easier to sacrifice freedom of expression and freedom of speech, than to resist pressure from Muslim protesters and risk the lives of other diplomatic personnel in the Middle East. Following the latest move from the US Government, many Hollywood celebrities are considering converting to Islam. Negotiations have started to assign a number of Imams as part of the Hollywood Press Corps. It is believed that a group of Imams, Sheiks, and quite probably an Ayatollah will soon oversee the film industry in the United States. Mr. Kim Yong Be, a spokesperson for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs in Pyongyang declared that the North Korean government is happy to offer Mr. Basile and whoever else seeks refuge to their country a place where they will not only live a prosperous and happy life, but also enjoy unconditional freedom of expression. The Association of North Korean Independet Film Makers (ANKIFM) are urging their government to expedite Mr. Basile’s move from Mexico City to Pyongyang.